I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
