I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
