I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
