girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
