he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
