I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
