Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
