sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
