I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
