would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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