I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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