I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I will pee on everything he values.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
