too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
