Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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