I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
