my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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