We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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