Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
