The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i will never coherently bang her
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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