She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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