After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We are two peas in an std pod
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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