She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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