shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
