Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I have aggressive nipples.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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