I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
