One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
