The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
