I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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