Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
