so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
