So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
