Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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