i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
