shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize