hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
