if you like me you must not know who I am
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So much Jack, so little girl.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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