just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
