My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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