Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
