I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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