dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
