Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You took a bar mat shot.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
