Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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