I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
