yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
