i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
