I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
