ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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