Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize