They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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