"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
