no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
