He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
