you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
