Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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