and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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