My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
