You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
