I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
