I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
