uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
