i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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