there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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