it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i've created a new STD.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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