i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
