do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
