I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
