Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
