Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
