I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
