im about as happy as oj after his trial
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
