You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
