i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
