I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
