see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
