She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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