So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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