i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
