Swine flu. Run for my life!
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
