That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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