found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
