the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
