I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
3pm strippers are depressing
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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