Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
