Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
40s are totally the cure
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
