I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I think I just sharted jello shots
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize