Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
People in love make me want to vomit
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize