I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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